A fan accused of behavior that “completely freaked out” Uma Thurman insisted that he never meant to frighten her.”In a misguided way I was trying to give her an opportunity to meet me and give myself an opportunity to meet her,” said the defendant, who identified himself on the witness stand as Jackson William Leslie Jordan.”I was feeling distressed,” said Jordan. “I had this feeling of longing for Ms. Thurman and I was trying to explain it. I was not trying to scare her in any way.” Jordan said he now understands how Thurman could be frightened by his attempts to see her, and by the e-mails and letters in which he professed his love and called her two children “an illusion.” Thurman testified about a bizarre card Jordan delivered to her trailer where she was filming ‘My Super Ex-Girlfriend.’ It bore a drawing of an open grave, a headstone and a man standing on the edge of a razor blade. A spiral of random words referred to “chocolate, mouth, soft, kissing” and declared, “My hands should be on your body at all times.”"I was completely freaked out,” Thurman said of the drawing. “It was almost like a nightmare; it was scary.”"I felt I was walking on the razor’s edge,” Jordan said. “I felt that it reflected this relationship that I unfortunately imagined that we had. This cartoon was meant to amuse her, to endear me to her.”"Do you see how it could have scared her?” asked his lawyer, George Vomvolakis.”I see it now,” Jordan said.Jordan also admitted that he told Thurman and her family he would kill himself if he couldn’t meet her. He said it “was a clumsy and poor way of expressing my emotions for her. I wasn’t feeling suicidal, but I was expressing a depth of feeling that was very distressing.” Jordan faces up to a year in jail if convicted of stalking and aggravated harassment.